Nobody Told Us This Part
For siblings, being together is where they truly belong. In this blog series, James and Mark share their adoption journey and how it inspired them to open their hearts and home to two brothers, giving them the chance to grow-up, side by side as a family.
Names have been changed to protect the identities of the children and family. The family’s story has been shared with permission.
After the activity day, James and Mark couldn’t stop talking about the brothers.
But feelings alone weren’t enough.
For them, adoption was always about making thoughtful decisions and asking difficult questions.
Excitement and Reality
Whilst one of them was excited from the moment they left activity day, the other took a more cautious approach.
On the drive home, the excitement slowly gave way to questions.
Had they noticed signs of developmental delay?
What support might the boys need?
Would they cope as first-time parents to two children?
“We questioned everything,” they said.
Looking back, they believe those conversations were essential.
They wanted to make sure their hearts weren’t making decisions that their heads hadn’t fully considered.
Seeing the Bigger Picture
Over the following days, they spoke with professionals, read reports and reflected on everything they had learned.
Rather than focusing on whether they liked the boys, they focused on whether they could meet their needs.
For James and Mark, that was the most important question.
“This is a lifelong commitment,” Mark explained.
“We had to be sure.”
As they worked through their questions, however, they kept coming back to the same conclusion.
The brothers felt right.
The Waiting
Even after deciding they wanted to move forward, there was more waiting.
There were panels to attend and reports to review. Approvals were still in process and still no guarantee that the boys would be theirs. They knew things could still change.
Another family could be identified and circumstances could shift. Nothing was actually certain.
“We wanted them,” they said. “But we tried not to let ourselves get carried away.”
That didn’t stop them thinking about the brothers every day.
A Decision Made Together
What helped most was the way they approached every stage as a team.
Every concern was discussed, every question was explored however silly, and every decision was made together.
By the time they reached the matching panel, they knew where they stood.
There was nervousness and anticipation as well as a confidence between them. They knew if they were approved, they were ready.
Looking Ahead
The approval they had hoped for finally arrived. Oliver and Harry would become part of their family.
Now a completely different journey was about to begin.
One that involved introductions, transition visits and saying goodbye to the people who had cared for the boys before them.
Coming Next:
The Goodbye We’ll Never Forget
The day they brought the boys home was joyful, emotional and far harder than either of them expected.
