Asking for Help Made Us Better Parents

For siblings, being together is where they truly belong. In this blog series, James and Mark share their adoption journey and how it inspired them to open their hearts and home to two brothers, giving them the chance to grow-up, side by side as a family.

Names have been changed to protect the identities of the children and family. The family’s story has been shared with permission.

Asking for Help Made Us Better Parents

Looking back over their adoption journey, there is one piece of advice James and Mark would give to every prospective adopter.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

We Thought We Had to Do It Alone

At first, asking for support felt difficult. Like many parents, they worried it might be seen as a sign they were struggling or even worse, failing as parents.

Mark admits he has always been the sort of person who tries to solve problems himself.

“I thought asking for help meant we weren’t coping.” When in fact the opposite was true.

The support was there because adoptive families need it and using that support made them stronger, not weaker.

Learning Doesn’t Stop After Adoption

One thing that surprised them was how much learning continued after the boys moved in.

The training they completed before adoption had helped prepare them, but some lessons only made sense once they were living family life every day.

They learned more about trauma, attachment, communication and more about their children.

“The more we learned about them, the better parents we became.”

They stopped focusing on trying to be perfect and started focusing on understanding what their Oliver and Harry needed.

Finding Their Confidence

Over time, routines became more familiar. The boys started to settle and their relationship deepened.

The challenges didn’t disappear overnight, but their confidence grew.

When they look around their home today, they see two brothers who laugh together, play together and occasionally get into mischief together.

Exactly as siblings should.

The moments that once felt overwhelming have become part of everyday family life.

Would We Adopt Siblings Again?

For James and Mark, the answer is immediate. They never pretended it would be easy.

There have been difficult moments as well as tears, frustrations and sleepless nights.

There have also been moments of joy they couldn’t have imagined before becoming parents.

Watching the boys play together, hearing them giggle upstairs and seeing the bond between

them grow stronger every day as been magical.

“You get twice the love and twice the laughter, “and for them, that has made every challenge worthwhile.

Top Tips for Anyone Thinking About Adoption

After everything they’ve learned, James and Mark have some simple advice for anyone considering adoption:

Don’t wait until you feel completely ready.
“There will always be questions, worries and unknowns. We certainly had them. What matters is being willing to take the first step.”

Be honest throughout the process.
The more open and honest you are with social workers and support services, the better they can help you find the right match and prepare for the future.

Ask questions and keep learning.
Training, support and information all play an important role. No one expects you to know everything from day one.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Seeking support isn’t a sign that you’re struggling. It’s one of the best things you can do for yourself and your children.

Remember that your home doesn’t have to be perfect.
Children aren’t looking for perfection. They’re looking for stability, commitment, understanding and people who are willing to love and support them through life’s ups and downs.

Trust the process.
“There were moments when we questioned ourselves and wondered if we were making the right decisions. Looking back now, every conversation, every question and every step helped lead us to the family we have today.”

Could Adoption Be Part of Your Story?

When James and Mark first started talking about adoption, they never imagined where the journey would take them.

Today, life is busy, noisy, challenging and full of surprises, but they wouldn’t change it for the world.

If you’ve ever thought about adoption, their advice is simple:

Don’t rule yourself out.

You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to be willing to explore whether you could make a difference in a child’s life.

Because sometimes the first conversation about adoption can become the beginning of a family story you never expected.

To find out more about adopting with Family Adoption Links Leicestershire, book a place at one of our free online information events