Co-regulation is the process by which a caregiver helps a child manage their emotions, behaviours and responses to stress. It involves providing consistent emotional support, modelling healthy regulation strategies, and gradually helping the child develop their own self-regulation skills.
For adopted children, co-regulation is especially important because they may have experienced early trauma, neglect, or inconsistent caregiving, which can affect their ability to manage emotions and feel secure in relationships.
How can you use co-regulation to help your child?
- Stay calm and regulated yourself – Children mirror the emotions of their caregivers. If you stay calm, patient, and empathetic during their distress, they will learn to regulate their own emotions more effectively.
- Provide a safe and predictable environment – Consistency and routine help children feel secure. Knowing what to expect reduces anxiety and helps them feel more in control.
- Validate their emotions – Acknowledge their feelings without judgment. Say things like, “I see that you’re feeling really frustrated right now. That makes sense. I’m here to help.”
- Use gentle touch and soothing voices – Physical reassurance (like a hug, if the child is comfortable with it) and a calm, reassuring voice can help lower stress levels and provide a sense of safety.
- Help name their emotions – Teaching emotional vocabulary helps children recognise and understand their feelings. Instead of just saying, “Stop crying,” try saying, “I see that you’re sad. Do you want to talk about it?”
- Guide them through breathing or grounding techniques – Encourage deep breathing (eg “smell the flower, blow out the candle”) or grounding techniques (eg “name five things you can see”) to help them self-soothe.
- Offer choices and control where possible – Giving children small choices (eg “Would you like to put on your shoes first or your coat?”) helps them feel more in control, reducing frustration.
- Teach through connection, not punishment – Instead of time-outs or punishments, use time-ins—stay close to your child and help them work through their emotions together.
- Be patient and consistent – Developing self-regulation skills takes time, especially for children with early adversity. Your ongoing support and consistency will build trust and emotional security.
By practicing co-regulation, you’re not just helping your child feel safe in the moment—you’re also equipping them with the skills they need to self-regulate as they grow.
Co-regulation strategies for under 5s
Co-regulation strategies for 5- 10s
Co-regulation strategies for young people
