Structure is key
Like the foundations of a house, children need to know what will be happening and when. Keep a good daily routine in the holidays with regular mealtimes, snack times and morning and evening routines. This will ensure that the children feel safe and secure at home.
- Routines will also help the children to regulate especially if they have experienced a chaotic home life. Keep the times of the day flexible even though regular structures like getting up and the bedtime routine may be the same, they may vary slightly from term time.
- Use planners and keep it simple. Children who have experienced trauma do not need lots of fun things to do and treat days. They also don’t need high levels of stimulation. They may want sweet treats though!
- Planners will make days easy to understand for children giving them a clear image of what will be happening and when. You can even add low key events to the planner including time to read or watch the television.
- Time for yourself is very important so schedule this in the planner too. Ask another parent/family/friends to take over and write it in as an appointment at the bank or solicitors so the children don’t feel they’re missing out on a fun treat.
Keep special days quiet until nearer the time
- Children who have experienced trauma may have negative inner working models and not feel as if they deserve special days or trips out. If they know a long while in advance, they may attempt to sabotage them if they feel they don’t deserve them.
- Surprises are something to avoid, so don’t call anything a surprise. This may spark a fight, flight, or freeze response and trigger challenging behaviours.
- When planning days out with your child, give this a structure too. Look at pictures of where you’ll be visiting, where you’ll eat and what you plan to do.
Plan time with other parents who understand
- Children who have experienced trauma may behave in unconventional ways at times and we have to parent them with therapeutic strategies.
- Other parents and people may struggle to understand the reasons behind your parenting, and this may lead to you feeling judged and or blamed. For this reason, it’s important your support network in the holidays is with like-minded and similar people who will support you when things are challenging.
Top tips for taking children on holiday
- Remember that children who have experienced trauma and loss may also suffer with sensory processing difficulties so they will not want to have experiences that might overwhelm them.
- Caravans or static homes are enclosed and promote feelings of safety as do visiting the same or similar places on more than one occasion. Caravan resorts often offer on site entertainment that is similar daily and may have a calming and regulating effect on children. Holidays, like all inclusive ones, also provide families with a clear structure to the day, with regular mealtimes and entertainment, kids clubs and so on.
- Use transitional objects from home, like pillowcases, so that the children are surrounded by familiar smells from home. These need to have been used.
- Keep plans to yourself until nearer the time. Show the children pictures of where you will be staying, what the accommodation looks like, local amenities and places you plan to visit.
Feel confident
- Feeling confident in yourself and the plans you have is key for helping your child feel safe when away from home. Make sure you have everything you need planned before leaving- such as travel arrangements, passports to hand, flight times etc. If you feel less anxiety around this, then your child will feel secure in your planning.
- If you come across any delays or changes, act as though this is something that you expected, and it won’t impact the child. You could say something like “Oh I knew this would happen, I heard about it before I left”. If you show uncertainty or panic around the child, they will feel compelled to take control to feel safer. Try using some subtle grounding strategies to help you.
- Keep the atmosphere between you and your child calm and playful. This applies to both parents if both are going with the children.
The end of the holiday and beyond
- Towards the end of the holiday, your child’s emotions may become heightened and their behaviour more challenging. This may be a result of the pending transition and possible return to school. Remember to keep things simple and talk through their emotions using high levels of empathy.
- Utilise timetables you have used before and visual aids. Take pictures of positive memories of holidays and use these as a means of reflecting on what has happened and what will be happening in the future. It may be beneficial to look at positive pictures from home and times within school.
- Most importantly, ensure you have plans to look after yourself when the holiday is over, and the child has returned to school.
