Our adopters tell us that 90% of the time, parenting an adoptive child is exactly the same as parenting a birth child. Love, patience, support, discipline and understanding all feature highly in the parenting handbook.
For the additional 10% we offer all of our adoptive parents a comprehensive package of support so that they are well-equipped even before they are actually approved for adoption to meet these additional needs.
In the past, when children were placed for adoption it was believed that they needed a ‘clean break’ and ties with their birth family were cut. This view has now changed. Research shows that many adults who were adopted as children said they would have liked more information about their birth family as they were growing up to help them to have a better sense of their history and identity. As a result we have changed our training and practices to accommodate this development.
All adopters must be prepared for some form of ongoing contact after adoption between a child and significant people from their birth family. The level of contact may vary and can include direct and indirect contact.
The Letterbox system facilitates indirect contact between the birth family and the adopted family and child. This usually takes the form of an exchange of written information via the adoption agency and could be once or twice yearly. This safe and secure system ensures the confidentiality of adoptive families.
For some children, direct (face to face) contact is appropriate. This could be with a brother or sister who has been placed with a different adopter, a birth parent or with a grandparent who has cared for the child. Birth families are not given the address of adopters and we will support you and the child if direct contact is planned. Part of our role involves mediating between adopters and birth families where, over time, a child’s need for contact may change or difficulties arise.
During the process of preparation to become an adopter you will be given more information and the opportunity to ask questions about contact. It is important that after learning more about adoption you are honest with yourselves and us, about the level of contact that you can accept.
First Steps is a free and online adoptive parenting resource with a variety of short courses and tutorials. Check out their website for more details.
Be open
With yourself, your child, your network and the professionals. Communication and honesty is key throughout your adoptive journey whether you are going through assessments en route to becoming an adoptive parent, need support in the early days from your Adoption Social Worker or are sharing their life story with your child, being open is the key to success.
Create routines
Children thrive when they feel safe and secure and creating routines is an easy way of helping your adopted children adapt and flourish in their new environment. Reduce the fear of the unknown and create an atmosphere of predictability, patterns and boundaries that help your child make sense of their new environment. Think bath, book and bed, Movie Monday (popcorn and movies), Tasty Tuesday (Create dinner or dessert together) and even jobs lists to ensure your child knows exactly what is happening in their world.
Life is a playground
Play is incredibly important for all children and playing with your adoptive child creates multiple opportunities to bond, learn and create new positive memories. At Family Adoption Links we even have training modules in Theraplay to support you and your adoptive child. Sometimes, as an adult, play doesn't come easily but you'll be amazed how good it feels when you get into the 'flow'. Pinterest is a brilliant resource for finding new games but some of our favouries include hide and seek, marshmallow fights (like a pillow fight but you throw the marshmallows) and guess the taste (get your child to close their eyes whilst you pop delicious tasty treats in and they guess what they are).
Get closer
Touch and physical closeness is an important part of bonding with your child. We all know that a hug or a helping hand can change your mood in an instant. You may have missed out on several years of being close to your child whilst they were small so now's the time to make up for it. Build in those sensory skills to helps your child to relax and self-regulate so use head massages, back rubs and foot tickling to create a wonderful physical bond.
Keep it simple
Such a useful philosophy for life in general but especially for adoptive parents. Having a calm and clutter-free household helps to avoid overstimulation and creates a relaxed atmosphere. The same can be said of occasions like birthdays and Christmas which can be tricky for adopted children. Take your time to decide exactly what is best for your child and family.
The love and happiness our children have brought us has been the best thing we have experienced. Adoption changes both your life and a child's life for the better.
