Aadesh and Anandita’s parents

Our adopted children Aadesh and Anandita came to live with us when she was 8 months old and her brother Aadesh was 2 years old. Anandita was a placid baby and a joy to care for, she settled in with us straight away and our bond with her was instantaneous. The transition for Aadesh was harder, he was a lively toddler who liked to have things his own way and would often erupt into long tantrums if he didn’t get his own way. The early days were very difficult and tiring for us, we were learning about being parents to two very young children and making the adjustments that this required whilst also being worried that we didn’t have the same love for Aadesh as we did for Anandita, but we kept putting this to one side, telling ourselves that it would get better.

However, after the children had been with us for about three months, we had to acknowledge that it was not how we thought it was going to be and that we were still struggling to make a connection with Aadesh. We felt hugely guilty, but we knew that we had to talk to our worker about it and seek help. We were so glad that we did seek support. Our worker was able to provide reassurance that this was normal and to help us explore our feelings and offer practical supportive strategies.

Over time we slowly began to feel that things were changing, and we were making a connection with Aadesh. We couldn’t say when the turning point was, it was more of a ‘drip, drip’ kind of process, where our relationship with Aadesh just got better over time, there was nothing huge that happened to change things. I do remember a couple of incidents where I knew I loved him and wanted to protect him forever. One was his first day at nursery and he walked off with his book bag. Just before he got to the door he turned around with a worried look and I waved and smiled and shouted out to him that I would be back at 3pm. Whilst he was at nursery I couldn’t stop thinking about how he was getting on and worrying about him, I just couldn’t rest and was waiting outside the gates half an hour early. When he eventually came running out with a big smile on his face, my heart leapt, and we both shared the biggest cuddle that day, and have done every day since!